Greetings from LIFESTYLE CHOICES!
The American Heart Association has designated February as ‘Go Red for Women’ month.
1 in 3 Women Die from Heart Disease. Learn how to prevent this in your life!
Make an appointment for your free assessment in February to see how you can live a healthy life. Call me @713.443.9400
Make a decision to commit to beating heart disease. Visit http://www.goredforwomen.org/ to learn more about what the AHA is doing for women and heart disease. Check out their jewelry while you’re there!
Open House- a Great Success!
Lifestyle Choices teamed up with Center for Mind Body and Health and One Body One Choice to have our first Open House on January 22. The turnout was excellent and as planned we’ve started our Jump Start to Stress Reduction Program. The response has been fantastic and the participants have been quite enthusiastic!
Relationships and Stress Video:: What Every Couple Needs to Know to Stress-Proof Their Relationship: HeartMath’s Research Provides New Insights about the Heart and Lasting Love.
Related video:
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=61490871768&mtcCampaign=1728
Couples around the world are using HeartMath’s scientifically validated heart-focused approach to deal more effectively with today’s heightened stress, fear and anxiety and to revitalize their heart connection.
Learn more about how you can help de-stress your relationship:
http://www.heartmath.com/templates/ihm/press_room/pdf/love_story09.pdf?mtcCampaign=1728
Underfunctioning and Overfunctioning
Last month I discussed “de-selfing.” This month I would like to continue from that same author and book, Dr. Harriet Goldhor Lerner, The Dance of Anger. Dr. Lerner discusses the circular dance we have in relationships in which we may underfunction or overfunction. She says that “this underfunctioning-overfunctioning pattern is a familiar pattern in couples. Research in marital systems has demonstrated that when women and men pair up, and stay paired up, they are usually at the same level of ‘independence,’ or emotional maturity. Like a seesaw, it is the underfunctioning of one individual that allows for the overfunctioning of the other.”
Dr. Lerner further states, “Underfunctioners and overfunctioners provoke and reinforce each other’s behavior, so that the seesaw becomes increasingly hard to balance over time.”
I see this quite often in relationships whether it’s with significant other relationships, friendships, or business relationships. What emotions do we feel after a period of time?
Resentment, anger, frustration.
Who’s to blame? Is it the underfunctioner because that person is doing less in their relationship so the overfunctioner has to do more? Is it the overfunctioner because they have difficulty allowing others to take over?
How do we get ourselves in these positions? Is it because initially we’re trying to please the other person so we start doing more and more thinking that other person will reciprocate… people pleasing? Is it for control? Why? Whatever the case we become unhappy feeling we’re being mistreated and the fighting starts.
According to Harriet Lerner “this interaction is a circular dance in which the behavior of one partner maintains and provokes the behavior of the other.” Moreover, she writes that we actually reduce our anxiety when we’re trying to make a change by repeating the same fights. Apparently these changes may become too threatening and we may resort to this behavior until we feel it is safe to “get unstuck.”
Did you know our trying to change the other person actually helps us protect him or her from change? This is the paradox. Sometimes we need an unbiased person to help us see we have more choices, stop focusing on the other person, and choose a solution which empowers us to be true to ourselves.
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Next month: Discussion of “Change Back!”
Don’t Forget:
Our new CoDependent Anonymous Group meets every Monday from 5:30-6:30pm in our Group Room at the office. The only requirement is to have a desire to have healthy relationships. CoDA is a wonderful way to learn new life skills and a safe place in which to practice them. This is free and open to the public. For more information, call 713.443.9400.
For your FREE De-stressing kit click on www.heartmath.org/destresskit
For purchases of emWave or HeartMath® products, please contact me either via phone or e-mail 713.443.9400 or lifestyle_choices@yahoo.com
For more information on Harriet Lerner go to http://www.harrietlerner.com/
Dr. Lerner is an acclaimed authority on the psychology of women and family and is also an internationally renowned lecturer.
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HeartMath is internationally recognized for their solutions to transform the stress of change and uncertainty, and bring coherence and renewed energy into people’s lives. HeartMath’s work has been published in numerous peer-reviewed journals such as American Journal of Cardiology, Stress Medicine, and Preventive Cardiology.
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